Today the Moon moved out of the deep dark waters of Scorpio and into the spontaneous archer of Sagittarius. We may not feel the hopeful energy of Sagittarius until the conjunction with Saturn and squares of Mars and Neptune have passed. A serious and methodical start to the day challenged by a unsettling and misinformed energy. Also early in the morning Mars sextiles Ceres in Capricorn aligning the warrior with the great mother asteroid. With Mars in a yin sign of compassion and ceres in the sign of stability and security; our focus today will be upon aligning our open hearts with healthy boundaries bringing nourishment and support to the interactions of others.
This was a day of days. I woke up without hitting the snooze button, effortlessly guided myself through my prepared morning routine, and walked to the hot yoga studio to open the 9AM class. As time for class rolls around the instructor had no showed up. I let the students know that the class will be a free open studio because of the teachers absence. A few students left, many stayed and the majority asked to be led through sun salutations and warrior flows. Although I had not prepared to practice (let alone guide others through a practice) I accepted the challenge, changed and taught my first yoga class! It went as smoothly as the rest of my morning. What a rush and reinforcement that I am exactly where I want to be. Learning the practice that I humbly hope to teach someday.
In the afternoon my sister asked me to not speak to her ever again because I was not there for her when she needed me the most. She verbally lashed out on me expressing the hurt I've caused in her life. However, I was only respecting her previous wishes to not speak nor see her after she beat me up on Thanksgiving. Her unvocalized expectations of me and our relationship led to her disappointment. A life long battle between us. She says I antagonize her to a breaking point then abuses me physically and/or emotionally. Yet time and time again I go back to her with open arms unconditionally caring for her just to have her hurt me once more. This time I handled the exit with grace. I did not emotionally react. I calmly told her that I would respect her wishes however she was to always know this was her decision and against my wishes.
Yesterday I listened to a speaker, a monk, Ajahn Khemasanto. He spoke of the brahmaviharas, the four immeasurables, virtues according to the Dharma.
1)Loving kindness - the hope a person will be well
2)Compassion - the hope a person's sufferings will diminish
3)Empathy - Sympathetic joy
4)Equanimity - Accepting loss and gain. As Ajahn Khemasanto said "Equanimity is Hello, I love you, I can do no more for you, goodbye. The let go."
With my sister I exercised the highest form of loving kindness, equanimity. I expressed my love with grace and I recognized there was nothing else I could do for her and I let go. It was painful to close a door that was at times very painful to keep open. I wish only the best and happy times for her and our loved ones.
I want people in my life who value me, respect me and edify me. This life is too short to spend it with those who bring suffering and pain into your life. As one door opened today another one closed. As I defined a deeper connection with my career path a boundary was put in place to begin healing old wounds. I am satisfied with the now and excited for the endless possibilities the future holds.
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